5 steps to remember when you’re scared to start
Do you feel overwhelmed, anxiety, confusion, and fear when you have set goals for yourself that you don’t quite know how to reach yet?
We often have a great vision for ourselves, but don’t always know how to get to THERE yet. So, we often get stuck and procrastinate out of fear of the unknown.
It’s a biology thing. It’s not your fault.
Fear (either unconscious or conscious) is the brain’s response to what it perceives as threat. The ‘new’ can feel threatening to the ego. The anxiety center gets activated, and we lose control of our frontal lobe, which is our thinking brain….and we can get stuck and even possibly abandon our dreams.
The ego wants to protect you! It uses what it knows from the past, so it flies into high gear giving you thoughts that make your body feel anxiety and stress. “ACK! Warning!! This doesn’t feel safe! We’ve never done THIS before! What if we fail?”
Such unwelcome voices we hear from our egos.
No wonder we get freaked out and stop.
The good news is this:
Anxiety is the sign that we are on the dizzying edge of freedom. - Kierkegaard
Those words may be true, but offer no comfort at all when we are in the grip of it.
Here’s something a little more practical.
I love the work of Dr. Srini Pillay, a Harvard psychiatrist researcher, who speaks on habits to overcome these thoughts and feelings of fear and resistance.
These 5 steps are called CIRCA.
CIRCA habits of the mind actually move blood away from the amygdala (the fight or flight area of the brain) and towards the frontal lobe (the thinking brain.)
This helps us get more energy and focus in achieving our intentions.
CIRCA
C – CHUNKING
Break your small steps towards your goals down week-by-week, month-by-month. This gives the brain something useful to do that calms fears. It tells it there is a plan.
I - IGNORE
Ignore mental chatter through meditation or mindfulness. Breathing in and out. Observing the “monkey mind chatter,” by welcoming it and acknowledging that it’s only the ego trying to help you based on what you have known from the past. This chatter is not TRUE. Allow the chatter to pass in and out just like the breath. The more you allow, the more the chatter will move on. We know that meditation changes brain function, structure and it changes genes. It also provides more peace for us as we go about doing new work that matters to us.
R - REALITY CHECK
Before you do something new and scary, ask yourself:
How long will I actually be anxious?
What immediate threats are really here now?
What am I actually doing right now? (ie; Writing a blog. Calling that guy that could help. Building a website.)
How threatening is this activity to me right at this moment?
Is there a raptor chasing me or a flash flood in effect?
This tells the ego brain, the amygdala, that we do not need to be in flight or fight now. It tells the reptilian brain, to go curl up and settle down. “Hey man, we’re just making a little blog post here, I’ll call you if there’s a fire.”
C- CONTROL CHECK
The serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
It’s helpful to know the difference. Think of it as an editing process so you don’t get overwhelmed. You are in control of more than you realize. You may not be able to control the outcome of your project, but you are in control of the process.
What are the things you are in control of? ie; brushing my teeth, sitting down to write for 20 minutes, doing some research on that idea, deciding to exercise today, sitting down and just starting with one small step, (whether it feels comfortable or not.)
Nobody can control the ocean, but we can surf the waves.
A- ATTENTIONAL SHIFT
Take the flashlight off the problem of the old life and on to the new life you imagine. Tell the brain the vision you have of the future. Most of all, FEEL THE FEELINGS of what you will feel like when you have finished your work of making this new thing. “Wildly proud! Thrilled. Powerful. Accomplished. Winning! This is the NEW ME!”
Do the happy WE WON dance before you even start. Feel the feelings of those higher emotional vibrations and the brain gets committed; like an athlete before the big game after the coach pumps up the team. The brain wants to be on the winning team. So, give it a job, pump it up with good feeling and it will give up its need to control in order to keep everyone safe. It just needs a little good leadership.